WTF: Oh The Horror!

horror_button

AN ACTOR’S RESUME CAN SOMETIMES LOOK A LITTLE SCARY

In the past the horror genre was always viewed as the red-headed stepchild of the film industry. Slasher films, movie monsters, and scream queens have generally brought upon snickers and down-the-nose glances from Hollywood’s elite. It wasn’t until the unprecedented success of Silence of the Lambs in 1991 that it became fashionable to take on a flick that goes bump in the night. But the truth is, the who’s who of Hollywood have been landing roles in horror long before it was trendy to terrify.

And so begins a three part series showcasing the scary work of some of today’s biggest names in cinema. Some of these films you may have heard of and some will just downright surprise you. We begin with the first seventeen.

 

amy_adams Amy Adams

Long before Amy started turning in stellar performances in such films as Junebug, The Fighter, and American Hustle, she started building her resume with smaller roles like the piece of crap one she landed in Psycho Beach Party.

 

psycho_beach_partyPsycho Beach Party (2000) – Marvel Ann

Spoof of 1960’s Beach Party/Gidget surfing movies mixed with slasher horror films. Florence Forrest is a not-so-innocent girl in 1960’s Malibu who becomes “Chicklet,” the first girl surfer at Malibu Beach. Only Florence suffers from dissociative identity disorder and occasionally her alter ego Ann Bowman, a sexually aggressive, foul-speaking girl comes out. During that time several beach goers are found murdered. The suspects include Chicklet herself, surfer Kanaka, B-horror film actress Bettina Barnes, exchange student Lars, and even Chicklet’s own mother. [Matthew Patay – IMDB]

An honorable mention should also go to Amy’s appearances in episodes of the TV series, Charmed (as Maggie Murphy in Murphy’s Luck), and Buffy the Vampire Slayer (as Cousin Beth in Family).

 

ben_afleck

Ben Affleck

Now that Mr. Affleck has a couple of shiny Oscars on his mantel, he can start to forget about some of the poorer choices listed on his filmography (I’m looking at you Gigli).

 

office_killerOffice Killer (1997) – Man in Office [Poor Ben couldn’t make the cut in this one and his scenes were deleted – I wish they would have done the same thing with Daredevil]

A mousy office worker accidentally kills one of her coworkers, then proceeds to bump off a few others. [IMDB]

 

 

 

phantomsPhantoms (1998) – Sheriff Bryce Hammond

150 dead and 350 missing in the tiny mountain town of Snowfield, Colorado. And that’s only the beginning…[IMDB]

 

 

 

jennifer_anistonJennifer Aniston

Most film aficionados are aware of this little gem since it’s gone on to become a cult horror classic. By the time the sequel rolled around, she was already hanging around with a new set of Friends.

 

leprechaunLeprechaun (1993) – Tory Reding

An evil, sadistic Leprechaun goes on a killing rampage in search of his beloved pot of gold. [IMDB]

 

 

 

kevin_baconKevin Bacon

Bacon’s past horror career was sizzlin’ (see what I did there…’cause of the bacon), starring in five different scary stories; one of which is one of the most famous slasher films ever to hit the silver screen. [IMDB]

 

friday_the_13thFriday the 13th (1980) – Jack Burrel

Camp counselors are stalked and murdered by an unknown assailant while trying to reopen a summer camp that was the site of a child’s drowning. [IMDB]

 

 

 

the_demon_murder_caseThe Demon Murder Case (1983) – Kenny Miller

[TV Movie] A young boy is taken over by demons who force him to commit murder. [IMDB]

 

 

 

tremorsTremors (1990) – Valentine McKee

Natives of a small isolated town defend themselves against strange underground creatures which are killing them one by one. [IMDB]

 

 

 

flatlinersFlatliners (1990) – David Labriaccio

Medical students bring themselves near death; their experiment begins to go awry. [IMDB]

 

 

 

stir_of_echosStir of Echoes (1999) – Tom Witzky

After being hypnotized by his sister in law, a man begins seeing haunting visions of a girl’s ghost and a mystery begins to unfold around her. [IMDB]

 

 

 

sandra_bullockSandra Bullock

Ms. Bullock had to build quite an extensive resume before earning the title of “America’s Sweetheart”. But this remake of George Sluizer’s original 1988 Dutch film didn’t do much to win over audiences.

 

the_vanishingThe Vanishing (1993 Remake) – Diane Shaver

The boyfriend of an abducted woman never gives up the search as the abductor looks on. [IMDB]

 

 

 

nicolas cageNicolas Cage

Cage has an impressive resume by sheer volume alone, starring in over seventy films. However, only two of them fit into the horror category, and one of them has earned the reputation as being one of the worst remakes ever made.

 

vampires_kissVampire’s Kiss (1988) – Peter Loew

After an encounter with a neck-biter, a publishing executive thinks that he’s turning into a vampire. [IMDB]

 

 

 

the_wicker_manThe Wicker Man (2006 Remake) – Edward Malus

A sheriff investigating the disappearance of a young girl from a small island discovers there’s a larger mystery to solve among the island’s secretive, neo-pagan community. [IMDB]

 

 

 

henry_cavillHenry Cavill

Before he was the Man of Steel, before he was Immortal, he was Mike and Evan. Who? Yeah, that’s what I said.

 

hellraiser_hellworldHellraiser: Hellworld (2005 Straight to Video) – Mike

Gamers play a MMORPG based on the “Hellraiser” franchise find their lives endangered after being invited to a rave whose host intends to show them the truth behind the Cenobite mythos. [IMDB]

 

 

 

blood_creekBlood Creek / Town Creek [original title] (2009) – Evan Marshall

A man and his brother on a mission of revenge become trapped in a harrowing occult experiment dating back to the Third Reich. [IMDB]

 

 

 

Jessica-ChastainJessica Chastain

Although Jessica Chastain is more well-known for single handedly capturing and killing Osama bin Laden [cheers Jessica!], her resume shows she’s completed some far scarier missions.

 

cute_kittyDark Shadows (2005) – Carolyn Stoddard

[TV Movie] IMDB doesn’t have much on this made-for-television film, other than it was based on the TV show of the same name that ran from 1966-1971. The synopsis for the series reads: The rich Collins family of Collinsport, Maine is tormented by strange occurrences. [IMDB]

 

 

mamaMama (2013) – Annabel

Annabel and Lucas are faced with the challenge of raising his young nieces that were left alone in the forest for five years…but how alone were they? [IMDB]

 

 

 

george_clooneyGeorge Clooney

The dapper and charming George Clooney has been around since the 80’s so you know he’s got a nice padding of crap on his resume. And oh what gleeful crap it is. It also appears he likes to make films where we must return to something.

 

return_to_horror_highReturn to Horror High (1987) – Oliver

A few years ago, a mysterious serial-killer caused panic on Crippen High School. The killer was never caught. A movie company, Cosmic Pictures, has decided to make a feature movie about these events – on location, at the now abandoned school. Since members of cast and crew disappear without a trace, it seems as if history is repeating itself. [Mattias Thuresson – IMDB]

 

return_of_the_killer_tomatoesReturn of the Killer Tomatoes! (1988) – Matt Stevens

Crazy old Professor Gangreen has developed a way to make tomatoes look human for a second invasion. [IMDB]

 

 

 

from_dusk_til_dawnFrom Dusk Till Dawn (1996) – Seth Gecko

Two criminals and their hostages unknowingly seek temporary refuge in an establishment populated by vampires, with chaotic results. [IMDB]

 

 

 

bradley_cooperBradley Cooper

Bradley’s career took off in 2009, but his resume dates back ten years prior. He had to put in some scream time before giving the biggest boost to Vegas’ tourism since The Rat Pack and the $3.99 all-you-can-eat buffet.

 

my_little_eyeMy Little Eye (2002) – Travis Patterson

Five young people apply to live in an isolated house together for six months whilst their every move is filmed by numerous cameras. The prize – $1 million. The rules – if one person leaves, everyone loses. What dark secret does the house harbor that leaves them feeling as though they’re being watched by more than just a million pairs of eyes? [Momentum Pictures – IMDB]

 

midnight_meat_trainThe Midnight Meat Train (2008) – Leon

A New York photographer hunts down a serial killer. [IMDB]

 

 

 

case_39Case 39 (2009) – Doug

A social worker fights to save a girl from her abusive parents, only to discover that the situation is more dangerous than she ever expected. [IMDB]

 

 

 

tom_cruiseTom Cruise

Yes, even Tommy boy has cut his [vampire] teeth in the horror genre. But unlike a good portion of the members on this list, Tom’s frightful film was actually pretty good, and he doesn’t really have anything to be ashamed of [unlike that whole Scientology thing].

 

interview_with_the_vampireInterview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994) – Lestat de Lioncourt

A vampire tells his epic life story: love, betrayal, loneliness, and hunger. [IMDB]

 

 

 

robert_de_niroRobert De Niro

De Niro has been a part of some amazing films. I would like to tell you that he’s also made some crappy horror films, but De Niro seems like the kinda guy that could have me whacked, so I’ll just leave it as, De Niro has been a part of some amazing films.

 

mary_shelleys_frankensteinMary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1994) – The Creature

When Victor Frankenstein rejects the artificial man he just created, the monster escapes and later swears revenge. [IMDB]

 

 

 

godsendGodsend (2004) – Richard Wells

A couple agrees to have their deceased son cloned under the supervision of an enigmatic doctor, but bizarre things start to happen years after his rebirth. [IMDB]

 

 

 

hide_and_seekHide and Seek (2005) – David Callaway

As a widower tries to piece together his life in the wake of his wife’s suicide, his daughter finds solace – at first – in her imaginary friend. [IMDB]

 

 

 

johnny_deppJohnny Depp

Johnny Depp ties Kevin Bacon with five fantastically frightening films. In fact Depp’s first feature film was the stuff of nightmares.

 

a_nightmare_on_elm_streetA Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) – Glen Lantz

In the dreams of his victims, a spectral child murderer stalks the children of the members of the lynch mob that killed him. [IMDB]

 

 

 

freddys_deadFreddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) – Guy on TV

Freddy Krueger returns once again to haunt both the dreams of his daughter and Springwood’s last surviving teenager. [IMDB]

 

 

 

from_hellFrom Hell (2001) – Inspector Frederick Abberline

In Victorian Era London, a troubled clairvoyant police detective investigates the murders by Jack The Ripper. [IMDB]

 

 

 

sweeney_toddSweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007) – Sweeney Todd

The infamous story of Benjamin Barker, a.k.a. Sweeney Todd, who sets up a barber shop down in London which is the basis for a sinister partnership with his fellow tenant, Mrs. Lovett. Based on the hit Broadway musical. [IMDB]

 

 

 

dark_shadowsDark Shadows (2012) – Barnabas Collins

Imprisoned vampire, Barnabas Collins, is set free and returns to his ancestral home, where his dysfunctional descendants are in need of his protection. [IMDB]

 

 

 

leonardo_dicaprioLeonardo Dicaprio

This is one of my favorites on this list. This name, associated with this film, is just, well, brilliant. Also, some of you may wonder why Shutter Island is absent from this list. IMDB officially lists Shutter Island as a Mystery Thriller, so therefore it did not meet the requirements.

 

critters_3Critters 3 (1991) – Josh

The tiny fur ball aliens that will eat anything or anyone set their sights on a Los Angeles apartment tower. [IMDB]

 

 

 

robert_downey_jrRobert Downey Jr.

Jr.’s only been in one film that’s been classified as horror. I don’t know why that’s so disappointing to me.

 

gothikaGothika (2003) – Pete Graham

A ghost story in which a repressed female psychiatrist wakes up as a patient in the very asylum where she worked with no memory of why she is there and what she has done. [IMDB]

 

 

 

clint_eastwoodClint Eastwood

Finding out that Clint Eastwood had two crazy creep shows to his credit, just made my day. [I apologize, that was just terrible.]

 

revenge_of_the_creatureRevenge of the Creature (1955) – Jennings (uncredited)

The Creature from the Black Lagoon is back! This time he’s captured by scientists and transported to an aquarium in south Florida. Naturally, he’s attracted to the lovely female scientist and manages to escape and kidnap her, heading to Jacksonville, presumably to catch a Jaguars game. [Jonah Falcon – IMDB] […um, look Jonah, I make the jokes around here, okay?]

 

tarantulaTarantula (1955) – Jet Squadron Leader (uncredited)

A spider escapes from an isolated desert laboratory experimenting in gigantism and grows to tremendous size as it wreaks havoc on the local inhabitants. [IMDB]

 

 

 

jesse_eisenbergJesse Eisenberg

Jesse’s resume rounds out part one of this three part series. Two of his horror flicks are just as awkward as most of the characters he plays. But I’m willing to forgive quite a bit since he does star in one of the best zombie films ever made [and yes, his character is awkward in that one too].

 

cursedCursed (2005) – Jimmy

A werewolf loose in Los Angeles changes the lives of three young adults, who, after being mauled by the beast, learn they must kill their attacker if they hope to change their fate to avoid becoming werewolves too. [IMDB]

 

 

 

zombielandZombieland (2009) – Columbus

A shy student trying to reach his family in Ohio; a gun-toting tough guy trying to find the Last Twinkie; a pair of sisters trying to get to an amusement park, all join forces to travel across a zombie-filled America. [IMDB]

 

 

 

camp_hellCamp Hell (2010) – Daniel

Evil invades a children’s spiritual retreat. [IMDB]

 

 

 

 

Be sure to check back next Friday for part two of the series. We’ll shine a light on the evil resume spawn of the likes of Matthew Mcconaughey, Scarlett Johansson, and Nathan Fillion.

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22 responses to “WTF: Oh The Horror!

  1. EXCELLENT post!!! Love it!!

    I started to watch Office Killer a week or so ago and it was MISERABLE!!!

    GREAT stuff!

    • There’s something about Carol Kane as a serial killer that is just…wrong. I will forever see her just standing there waving as Billy Crystal says, “Have fun storming the castle!” Put a knife in that hand and it will totally burst my cinematic bubble!

      • HA!!! She also has some REALLY strange eyebrows going on in this one… I doubt I’ll ever finish it….

        I’ll always remember her in When A Stranger Calls Back – fucking creepy! Feel free to edit that F-bomb out if you want 🙂

      • When A Stranger Calls Back – when you can see the dudes eye staring out from the closet – freaky as shit!

        And fuckity-fuck-no, you will find no censorship here! Let it all hang out. Wait, I take that back. That’s a very dangerous statement to make to (who Mike @ Screenkicker refers to as) a deranged pervert.

      • YES! And the first time you see him un-blend from the wall…..! ACK!!!

        LOL – let’s get one thing straight – Mike is the most perverted person around. Are you on Twitter?

      • DID YOU HEAR THAT MIKE!?! ERIC’S TALKING SHIT ABOUT YOU AGAIN! I don’t think he can hear me…oh well.

        I am currently tweetless. Nor do I have my face booked. Although, if this blog thing keeps up, I’m sure I’ll end up with one or the other – or both. You know…for the fans. I do it all for the fans.

      • Seriously, Facebook! I don’t want people from my past finding me. There’s a reason I don’t talk to those fuckers anymore!

        I’m A Ghost thread. HOW FUCKING AWESOME WAS THAT! Now I’m totally going to have to be a twit. There you go corrupting me yet again (but you know I like it)!

      • I KNOW!!! I do have a Facebook account but I NEVER look at it because it SUCKS.

        Isn’t that fucking funny??? If you ever decide to get set up I’m @theipcdotme

        and – hahahah – YOU inspired my current header 🙂

  2. I’m excited to read the next two parts of this list! The amount of time and energy it takes to do all this research and preparation just blows me away. I mean, I’ve spent days and days writing stories for my blog, but all that research and image hunting makes my brain hurt.

    And George Clooney’s are still my favorite. I mentioned it before, but my brother owns the Clooney Horror 2-pack in which Killer Tomatoes and Return to Horror High are sold together, and he does not factor heavily into either one, but they plaster his name all over the damn things now.

    • While pillaging the inter-web for images of poster art, I noticed a lot of these little gems have re-released new DVD cover art prominently plastering the names and/or faces of the “Hollywood Heavy Hitter” featured in the film. Even if they were just Guy #2 and on screen for 60 seconds.

  3. It’s been a BLOOD-MOON since we’ve been treated to the likes of a WT-FRIDAY from our favorite Cinephile. Hysterical ( in a funny, ha ha … Not bat-shit full moon crazies… kinda way). Still laughing over the substitute kitty/ bunny/ thingies pic. Keep propagating your BRILLIANT BLOGIN’ skills.

  4. Fascinating read! I forgot about a shit ton of these appearances! Cooper being in Midnight Meat Train? Had no idea! However, at that point in time….I do not think I really cared or paid much attention to the actors in films! So it likely just slipped right past me!

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